Today I got back from Gulfcoast Getaway. There, I clapped my hands, spun in circles, tackled strangers, painted my face, cheered for friends, YELLED til my voice was no more, and danced before God. I've never danced before God before. My first year at GCG I watched as a guy just screamed and shook and moshed during worship. My uptight self did not understand this, and I judged him a fool. Later (a couple of years), I regretted judging the guy. I mean he was only responding to Him. Now, I realize my judgement was correct the guy was a fool, except he was being a fool before God. When I realize David was naked before all Jerusalem, a little jumping is nothing.
In years past, I have felt a strong pressure in my chest during song worship at Gulfcoast. Literally, the urge to tear my shirt and chest open to relieve whatever was happening. This, year I resolved to not let myself get in the way of my response to HIM. (Just in case I wore western shirts with snaps) I lifted my hands when I felt like it, I sang soaring tenor parts that would eventually wreck my vocal chords (the long i sound doesn't come out now), I opened Scripture at every mention, lobbied for missions, and ran towards to the stage to dance with and before strangers. That set me up for the last song of Gulfcoast. Based off of Psalm 30 "You Have Turned My Mourning into Dancing" brought out a side of me never seen to anyone that has existed in me from the beginning of time.
Five years ago, I would've hated myself. Literally, I would have existed with self-loathing. What changed? Me? Well yeah. How? I don't know, I've always known something wasn't right. As Jim has astutely observed, I want an answer for everything. I'm not okay with the unanswered questions of life. I don't leave pondering until I come to a satisfactory conclusion. I realize my answers are sometimes (read often) wrong. But I'd rather have a wrong answer than none at all. (Thats pretty dangerous).
Anyway this weekend was about realizing heaven and hell exist on Earth. Heaven is here and now and so is Hell. And you cannot exist in both. Through suffering I know there is a kingdom that is not yet, but joy tells me there is a kingdom that is now.
I get home and I here a hissing sound, turns out my outlet hose on my hot water heater has broken (the intake hose broke a few months ago). Great, I've been home 15 min and I have to deal with this temporary, broken world. The "emergency" maintenance line said it will be fixed tomorrow.
I don't like fixing things tomorrow because it always remains tomorrow. But, if there is a time set, I'm okay with fixing it later. Things break, things fail, the world is broken and there are terrible calamities that befall the most vulnerable of people.
Fix it, fail better, open your eyes to the Kingdom on Earth, and 1600 college students can raise 27,000 dollars to bring water to the thirsty, aid to injured, hands to the fallen, hope to the hopeful, and redemption to every man, women, and child that inhabits this sphere all while dancing before God.
namaste
vaya con DIOS
Well said Tadder. I had the same conversation with John last night about how 18 year old Ryan would have sent 22 year old Ryan to hell pretty quick. I think it was 2 years ago, at GCG actually, that RH said something along the lines of know that if you sell out completely to God, he's not going to leave you where you are. I'm glad you got to have that experience, you did a great job organizing as well
ReplyDeleteTad, I've been battling this recently, even today, every time I go home and hear the words "religous world (meaning anyone not affiated with the Church of Christ)or unsanctioned by the bible" I think about how stagnant one year ago Mike was and how much I feel my relationship with God has grown through the experiences I've had with the GCSC. I agree that I would have absolutely been infuriated with me two weeks ago, but now that I know what real worship is I'm ok with that. I'm so blessed to have your and Ryan's example in my life. I can't wait to see what God has in store for you in the next years and then when you get into your own campus ministry.
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