Resoulutions

Well its the end of January, how are you're resolutions doing? Since, my birthday is within the first two weeks of a new year, I usually don't begin resolutions until then.

My are not doing well in some respects, but well in others. As you can see by the number of post in January, my resolve to post more has been lacking. I've posted the same in a month that I've wanted to post in a week. Why do I want to post? Well, I would eventually like to write a book, and I need to improve my writing style. However, the more I think about that the less I want to write. One, there are a lot of books by Christian authors out there. Two, most of those books are crappy. They are written by people who want to write a book like me. If I do eventually write a book, I want it to say something to the world that will actually make a difference, not just fill shelf-space at Lifeway Bookstore for six months. Also, I've gotten a few back issues of Christianity Today from some of the people I work with. Inside are ads for books and colleges that promise to make you into a better person, more able to connect with the current culture, more like Jesus (or their founding theologians), and all for the glory of God. I have this fear that whatever I write will have an ad in these magazines and some snot-nose student will see it and judge me (typical post-modern cynic brat). Also, I've read some really good books by some really good authors, and I've got to admit... I'm intimidated by their success and vision.

Personally, my resolution for physical betterment is a half-and-half. I have been able to limit myself to one cheeseburger a week (which is a great success), and I have had several days a week where I haven't eaten meat. Abbie and I are running at least three days a week. I guess next up is daily sit-ups and push-ups.

Why do we make resolutions? What is magical about January 1st that makes it seem like we can start over. Its like we can drop all of our baggage and bad habits from last year. Yet, we are haunted by the specters of the past and feel sad when we fail. I think if we realize we have a past and it colors our present its easier to understand where we are going in the future. Doing the same things the same way and expecting different results is foolishness as some wise person whose name I can't remember said. Lets here now resolve to "redouble our efforts and do something with our lives" (as Meriwether Lewis sort of said)

namaste

vaya con DIOS

3:13 Toilet

So I have this toilet, if you aren't careful, the handle will get stuck and the thing will run until you tap the handle and set the plunger. This use to worry me during the drought because the toilet would keep trying to fill itself but would never get full, and it would waste a lot of precious water. To this day, if you aren't careful the handle will get stuck and the commode will run and run until someone fixes it.

I don't know what this means, but it seemed important. Maybe its you and maybe its me.

namaste

Vaya con DIOS

Things Break, Fix Them

As it often seems. After a time away, usually involving spiritual renewal, you get hit in the face with something that is a shocking reminder the world is not where I want to spend eternity.

Today I got back from Gulfcoast Getaway. There, I clapped my hands, spun in circles, tackled strangers, painted my face, cheered for friends, YELLED til my voice was no more, and danced before God. I've never danced before God before. My first year at GCG I watched as a guy just screamed and shook and moshed during worship. My uptight self did not understand this, and I judged him a fool. Later (a couple of years), I regretted judging the guy. I mean he was only responding to Him. Now, I realize my judgement was correct the guy was a fool, except he was being a fool before God. When I realize David was naked before all Jerusalem, a little jumping is nothing.

In years past, I have felt a strong pressure in my chest during song worship at Gulfcoast. Literally, the urge to tear my shirt and chest open to relieve whatever was happening. This, year I resolved to not let myself get in the way of my response to HIM. (Just in case I wore western shirts with snaps) I lifted my hands when I felt like it, I sang soaring tenor parts that would eventually wreck my vocal chords (the long i sound doesn't come out now), I opened Scripture at every mention, lobbied for missions, and ran towards to the stage to dance with and before strangers. That set me up for the last song of Gulfcoast. Based off of Psalm 30 "You Have Turned My Mourning into Dancing" brought out a side of me never seen to anyone that has existed in me from the beginning of time.

Five years ago, I would've hated myself. Literally, I would have existed with self-loathing. What changed? Me? Well yeah. How? I don't know, I've always known something wasn't right. As Jim has astutely observed, I want an answer for everything. I'm not okay with the unanswered questions of life. I don't leave pondering until I come to a satisfactory conclusion. I realize my answers are sometimes (read often) wrong. But I'd rather have a wrong answer than none at all. (Thats pretty dangerous).

Anyway this weekend was about realizing heaven and hell exist on Earth. Heaven is here and now and so is Hell. And you cannot exist in both. Through suffering I know there is a kingdom that is not yet, but joy tells me there is a kingdom that is now.

I get home and I here a hissing sound, turns out my outlet hose on my hot water heater has broken (the intake hose broke a few months ago). Great, I've been home 15 min and I have to deal with this temporary, broken world. The "emergency" maintenance line said it will be fixed tomorrow.

I don't like fixing things tomorrow because it always remains tomorrow. But, if there is a time set, I'm okay with fixing it later. Things break, things fail, the world is broken and there are terrible calamities that befall the most vulnerable of people.

Fix it, fail better, open your eyes to the Kingdom on Earth, and 1600 college students can raise 27,000 dollars to bring water to the thirsty, aid to injured, hands to the fallen, hope to the hopeful, and redemption to every man, women, and child that inhabits this sphere all while dancing before God.

namaste

vaya con DIOS